Dear God, Save Me!

Hey y’all!!!

I wanted to come on here and share what God has placed in my heart. God is doing wonderful things in my life concerning spiritual growth and maturity so of course I have to share with my favs!

I was talking to a good friend and she said something so simple but profound in my eyes. She said when we pray, we should ask the Holy Spirit to cause us to pray for the things we need to pray for. Now, I want you to pause and think on the concept. Now, say it again slowly. We should ask the Holy Spirit to cause us to pray for the things we need to pray on.

Got it?? Ok, moving on.

So over the last couple weeks Ive been asking the Holy Spirit that question. While I was in church worshipping I kept hearing in my spirit, “Save Me!”. I wasn’t really sure what it meant but I kept hearing it. I asked God, save me from what? Immediately I heard in my spirit “Save me from myself.”  Say what?! When I finally released the words I literally felt a weight lifted off me and I began to praise God so strong.

We are our own worst critics. We can be so hard on ourselves. We talk negatively to and about ourselves, we talk down to ourselves. We often times focus on our areas of improvements and assess them as weaknesses vs strengths under construction.

We critize ourselves in everything we say and do.  The way we look, always feeling as if this or that is to big or to small.  We often times see ourselves through a lens only we can see through using filters we only  use for ourselves.

Dear God, please save me from myself!! Save me from my thoughts, my criticisms, my thoughts of my failures, all the things I wish I were. SAVE ME FROM MYSELF! I had to ask God to help me see myself through His eyes. Help me grace myself the same way He graces me using the same grace He gives me to grace others around me. (Whew! now say that 5x, lol)

As Christians we understand God is love and our lives should be an example of Christ’s love living within us. We put emphasis on loving others, serving others, and being kind towards others. In the midst it all, can I please tell you, YOU MUST DO THE SAME FOR YOU!  Love YOU, be kind to YOU, speak kind words to YOU. There are things we say about ourselves we would never let roll off our tongue concerning another person. If we wouldn’t criticize someone else in that way why would we do it to ourselves?

We spend so much time tormenting ourselves with all the things wrong with us, the things we need to change, what we need to do better, etc.. the list just goes on and on. I don’t know about you but I don’t need anyone beating me up about things. I do a pretty good job on my own! Today is the day we STOP!

But how?? How do we stop? How do we change? 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us “[Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ…”

We must catch our thoughts and make them obey Gods word. I want you to imagine yourself catching the little thought bubble over your head, grabbing it, and throwing it away. Now visualize your mind floating with scriptures and praises to God. God loves us so much. He loves us way to much to allow us to wallow in negative thoughts.

If someone you knew were going through something or needed prayer , we would be quick to offer an encouraging word and be able to pray concerning the needs of the person and have the right words to speak over their life. We have to be able to do the same for ourselves. Here’s why.

When we think negatively of ourselves  we aren’t fully able to fulfill the call of God on our lives. We tend to not feel good enough, not worthy enough, all because of previous negative thoughts we’ve fed yourself.  Let me offer you this:  ^“I am convinced andconfident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus …” Phillipians 1:6.

Whatever your strengths under construction are GOD is faithful to complete it. Not you or anyone else can complete it. GOD is faithful to complete it. Why?? Because He said so!

“So will My word be which goes out of My mouth; It will not return to Me void (useless, without result), Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11 

You can take that to the bank! God said it. Therefore the work Gods needs to do in you, He’s got you! You don’t have to worry, stress, or beat yourself up about anything anymore. All you have to do is keep walking in faith.

Disclaimer: I understand there is a difference between criticizing yourself and being honest with yourself. However, the same rules still apply. Ask God for help and He will help you!

I want to leave you with the words of Paul as he bid farewell to the Corinthian Church.

“Finally, brethren, farewell (rejoice)! Be strengthened (perfected, completed, made what you ought to be); be encouraged and consoled and comforted; be of the same [agreeable] mind one with another; live in peace, and [then] the God of love [Who is the Source of affection, goodwill, love, and benevolence toward men] and the Author and Promoter of peace will be with you.” 2 Corinthians 13:11

So chill, give yourself a break, Gods got you in the palm of His hand and He’ll never let you go. 💕

I love y’all and Im always praying for you,

Andrea F,

B-A-B-Y M-A-M-A This goes out to all my Baby Mama’s!

Hey y'all!!!

Let me start off by saying baby Mama/Daddy is a term that me and my kids dad do NOT use. It feels like a derogatory term and we just choose not to say it. The title is from a song Fantasia sang many years ago as homage to Single Moms.

Today I really want to talk to my fellow single moms. If you read my previous blog about setting standards and trusting God for your mate, this is some what a continuation of that blog.

Many of us are trusting God to send our one day spouse but not only must we have a Godly standard but we should be asking ourselves are we emotionally ready to receive him? How can we expect God to bring someone new in our lives when our heart, mind, and emotions are all wrapped up with someone else? The passenger seat is full. There's no room for anyone else. Can I be the first to say, It's time to cut those emotional ties with your kids dad.  Don't believe the lies when people say, fathers can always come back to the mother of their kids. NOPE! It doesn't have to be that way if you don't allow it. Sometimes you have to just break the ties and move on. Is it easy? ABSOLUTELY NOT! You guys created the most important person in your lives, together. And in many ways you will be connected to your kids dad forever but you don't have to stay emotionally and physically connected.

 

There was a time when me and my kids dad did everything together. I was the one saying I wanted a commitment from him and he didn't feel the same. When I started on my healing journey I knew I was having a hard time getting over him. He was ALWAYS around. He would come over and help with the kids and give them baths and we would have dinner together. We would have family outings together, we would be lovey dovey. He would even refer to us as a "we" in terms of just about everything, even things not concerning the children. After while I realized it was to much! How can you get over someone when you're always around them?? You can't.

I dealt with it for about 10 years; that emotional back and forth. I thought I had to. I thought thats just the way it is. And when someone questioned it I would alway say, we have kids together of course we will be around each other. But I got to a point where I was so sad and hurt over our situation and I started asking God to heal my heart and truly help me get over him. I had asked God to do it before but this particular time I truly meant it. I believe God truly heard my prayers.

God started showing me things. God showed me how my kids dad was saying and doing certain things to keep me emotionally connected to him. Like how if he felt me pulling away, he would do and say things to emotionally reel me back in. God showed me how their dad was at my house to much, He showed me I needed to distance myself from their dad and their other side of the family. God just started opening my eye to things and slowly I started making changes as God led me to. I remember one of the first things, I had a conversation with my kids dad about him being at my house so much, I asked him to scale it back. At first he was ok with it and he honored my wishes. but after a few weeks it got old and he started with his old habits again. Popping up wanting to see the kids, asking what I cooked for dinner so he could have dinner with us, etc… Thats where things got hard. I had to remind him of our convo. It became hard because I wanted him to be there. I wanted him to come over and for us to be a family. But I realized it wasn't  healthy for us to keep going in the same cycle. Listen, just because you have kids with someone doesn't mean you have to allow them total access into your life. ITS OK TO SET BOUNDARIES. It's ok to set certain days for him to see the kids or come and pick up the kids. Its not about being mean to dad or preventing him from seeing the kids, it's about setting some boundaries to guard your heart.

During these times I really had to pray and ask God to help me. I cried a lot during those times because everything  I was familiar with was being pulled from under me. I felt lonely. Im not super close with my family so I felt very alone. Plus the physical help he was giving me with our kids on a daily basis was gone so I was feeling stressed and tired a lot of days. But as I kept praying and asking God to heal me, I kept hearing in my spirit, "trust me through the process."

Even though we weren't seeing each other as much we were still talking all the time. the Lord told me to cut it off. Of course it was hard, but I really wanted to be healed. There were days I questioned God, like why did it take all of this??? His response to me was, How bad do you want it? How bad do you really want to be healed from a broken heart. When the Lord started putting that in my spirit I made up in my mind I would walk by faith and not by sight. This was a very difficult season. Many of you all know my mom died many years ago, I had ended relationships with close friends and I wasn't close with family. I have never felt so alone in my life. I felt like no one understood what I was going through and dealing with. After all, their dad wasn't a bad guy. He treated me well, he was a good dad and he really had a genuine love for us. But he wanted to emotionally use me. He wanted to spend time with me, tell me he loved me, kiss, cuddle, and have sex without committing to any type of relationship. Please don't think Im placing the blame totally on him because I allowed this for many years. In the back of my mind I always thought one day He would choose me. Crazy, right???!!!

 

There came a time where we had to stop talking altogether. If it wasnt about the kids  I stopped conversing with him. If the conversation drifted another way I would just stop talking until it got awkward and we both would just get off the phone. Again, another hard thing for me because he would be mad and upset with me and constantly asking whats wrong. but there was nothing wrong. We just needed boundaries and the emotional ties we had to each other needed to be cut. The Lord just kept pressing, how bad do you want it? How bad do you want to be healed?

Listen, once a relationship is over. It needs to really be over. And that includes the kids other family. Yes, I said it! Cut ties with the other family. You personally staying connected to them is not helping you get over him. I used to spend all my holidays, bdays, and any other celebration with their dads family. Along my process the Lord started telling me, don't go over there. Another thing that was extremely hard for me. His family was my family. They were there for me all those years ago when my mom died and I loved them and enjoyed being with them. But again, that voice. How bad do you want to be healed? So I listened. I spent years going to his families house even though he would bring other women at times. I would be so hurt and so sad, but I toughed  it out thinking this is how it had to be because we weren't in a relationship. All the while, many times after we would leave we would end up with each other. And because of my own insecurities and thinking I was in love, I allowed it.

I remember when the Lord told me to delete their their dad and his family from social media. I was like why Jesus?? lol I was scared of what they would say. After all, we all had a good relationship. But God told me you don't need to be on social media seeing everytime he's hanging out, and pics of him and his girlfriend, or angry when you see he's hanging out but you had a rough time with the kids, or he told you he had something to do but it was hanging with his friends. You need to heal. You need to guard your heart. So I listened. I just kept hearing in my spirit, how bad do you want it?

I am here to tell you, you DO NOT have to allow a coparent to pull you in emotional and you CAN have a successful coparenting relationship. Where we are now took years to develop. I wasn't super strong everyday during that process. There were days I was chasing him and days he was chasing me. But I knew it wasn't healthy for me and I knew I wanted God to heal my broken heart. So I kept praying, kept listening to God and kept asking him for the strength to follow His instructions.

Although their dad and I are in a really good place as coparents, let me let you in on a secret. sssshhhhh… There are still moments we struggle at times setting certain boundaries and not being to close. But God always reels me back in and reminds me how far Ive come and how FREE I feel now! I don't want to go backwards.

When I started this blog I wanted to talk about coparenting because you don't see much about it. There's not a lot of info out there on how to navigate a coparenting relationship and what its supposed to look like.  Those years I spent in emotional turmoil with my kid dad turned out to be such a blessing. I heard a minister once say "Out of our greatest struggles, come out biggest testimony."

I am here to tell the next single mom God can heal your broken heart. You can be healed from that relationship even though you still have to see and be around him. God can and will lead and guide you and you can have a successful coparenting relationship. He did it for me, He will do it for you!

Love y'all! Always praying your ya!

Andrea F.