Spirit of Shut Up!

Hey y'all!!!

I had to get on here and "spill the tea" as people say. On who? ME!!! Yes, Me! I'm a mess y'all. lol Well, I can be a mess at times. As many of you all know I like to encourage single moms and encourage them to develop healthy coparent relationships with their kids dad. But just because I talk about it doesn't mean I am perfect and get it right 100% of the time. What Im about to tell you is a time where I completely got it wrong.

My kids dad and I were talking about a coparenting issue. He was making some totally ridiculous statements about coparenting that I knew were utterly incorrect. However as he was saying it you could tell that he was just having a horrible morning and more than likely what he was saying was not even accurate in his eyes, but he was upset so he was just rambling a bit. Now, as he was talking, I began to say, well, that's not right and that sounds crazy, and started to break down the situation from a different perspective. He completely blew me off and started yelling at me and told me I couldn't comment on the situation and I didn't know the full story behind what he was speaking on and etc, etc.  Well, I kept at it I said well I don't have to know the full story to tell you that you sound crazy right now! Needless to say this became a whole argument where he ended up hanging up on me. I was PISSED! Now, I've told you him and I have come to a place where we have mutual respect for each other so I was livid he would revert back to his old ways and hang up on me like a kid in high school.  You think I let it go??? NO! I called back a couple of times. No answer. Then I texted him and tried explaining myself in a very nice nasty way. SMH… Then, I told him I felt like we were just having simple conversation and if we couldn't have a simple conversation about this articular issue then he shouldn't talk to me about it at all. WOW!!!!!

 

WOW! Y'all I am so ashamed at myself. Really I am. I was so wrong. So so wrong. Let me explain. First off, when he called he sounded like he was already having a bad day.  The Lord showed me a powerful lesson in this scenario. EVERYTHING doesn't need a response! Sometimes your kids dad may just need to vent about the kids or dad issues and that's ok. Sometimes you may need to just let him say what he's going to say about the situation and just listen. In this case the situation didn't really effect me personally. He was just expressing an opinion on something. You don't have to necessarily agree with his point of view. Just listen. Let me tell you, I'm not that great at it when it comes to my kids dad. See, the kids live with me. Im with them more often. Nobody knows them like I do. Nobody sees them through the lens I see them in. He doesn't know their thoughts, feelings, quirks, or anything else better than me so what could HE possibly tell me about MY kids????

Unknown

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! They are his kids to, he knows them. He may not know them the way you do, but he knows them. I don't believe parents will every see their kids in the exact same manner even if it's a two parent household.  Theres a difference in a moms relationship with the child and the dads relationship with the child. There are things the kids share with mom they may not share with dad and vice versa. So, give dad some credit. He knows the kids to. And if you are dealing with an absentee parent, then believe by faith and pray for dad to truly know you all's child. So yes, this message can still apply to you as well.

shut up

Where I was wrong is I didn't allow the Spirit of Shut Up to come up on me. ha! seriously, I should have just listened and just said a quick prayer. What is the spirit of shut up? It's that moment when you want to pop off at the mouth and tell him about his self or speak your mind, but you know that's not what God is telling you to do and it wont help your situation. That's when you have to get you some Spirit of Shut Up!

Wait Andrea, I thought you said we need to set boundaries with dad?? So why is he talking to me about something that doesn't directly affect me anyway??? Well, you have to remember there will be times you all are going to converse and when a situation comes up you have to be able to discern when its the right time to have that conversation. That is where your relationship with God comes in. I told you guys a few blogs back that its important to pray about your coparenting relationship. Ask God to show you how to navigate it, what to say, how to say it, and to help you discern the appropriate times to have  productive conversations. I didn't do it in this scenario and look where it got me. I was mad and aggravated and so was he.

lessons

Some of you may be saying, well why do I have to be that considerate of him. He aint my husband! Well look at like this. It's really good practice for marriage. I'm not married but I talk to many women that are and all of them have told me about times where they had to  allow the Spirit of Shut Up to fall on them. LOL  Everything just isn't worth an argument. Every time something comes up it just isn't always the best time to address it. You have to start looking at some of your difficulties as opportunities and lessons you will one day need. The Spirit of Shut Up can be applied to many situations you may go through in life.

work it out.jpg

God tells us in 2 Chronicles 20:17 "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you." See, there are battles (arguments) we just don't have to fight. People look at those scriptures and often times apply them to giants they're facing but it may not be a giant. Your battle may be that small irritating thing in your life such as dealing with someone who hurt you, upset you, or just can't seem to agree with. Let God fight the battle for you. You just sit back and discern when its time to have that conversation. Even then there may never be a right time. Some situations may need to sit dead for God to work out only.

communicate

Be encouraged single moms in your coparenting relationships. Dad is someone you should always have some sort of relationship with and an open line of communication with. You won't  handle every situation correctly but I believe God honors your sacrifice in trying. He will honor your sacrifice in trying to make thing better and more civil for your kids.

So the next time you guys are talking and you feel the conversation going in a way you can see become an argument just remember to ask the Lord to allow the Spirit of Shut up to be on you. and remember its practice for your one day spouse. Just be grateful for the preparation. ūüôā

slow to anger

Love ya'll

Always praying for ya.

Andrea F.

 

Advertisements

You mad or Nah?!

So, Im going to be totally honest in this post. The last few weeks, I have really been going through it emotionally.

I realized, I was really mad! I was just mad and frustrated.

I was trying to pray earlier this week and I kept asking God, why am I going through this and I was pouring out my feelings to Him, and I got so upset from praying and thinking about things I just stopped praying! I was really upset! When I really take time to put things in perspective, its not like anything super bad was going on I guess, just a lot of emotional baggage, and small annoying things that added up to something big. Well, big in my eyes.

I read a blog by Minister Heather Lindsey called Help me, I can’t stop procrastinating. To sum it up she talked about the reason for procrastination was lack of desire. We use excuses saying we don’t have time, but the truth is we do have time, but we lack the desire. We make time for the things we really want. She related this to the reasons we don’t spend time in prayer and studying the bible. She said we don’t truly desire to know God.

It totally offended me because I kept thinking YES I DO! I love God! How can she tell me I don’t desire God?! Well, as I sat back and thought about my schedule and what filled my day, I realized she was right. Not only was she right, but I also realized, I called myself “mad” at God and was taking my frustration out on Him by not praying. (I know that sounds crazy, but thats how I felt)

o-SAD-BLACK-WOMAN-ON-BED-facebook

Last week I was working 10 hour shifts trying to get overtime. I went to the gym pretty much daily for at least an hour. I also couldn’t help but to think about all the time I spent on social media.

It was a hard pill to swallow. WOW! I really didn’t desire time with God. But WHY? Im the type of person I try to analyze everything, and Im sitting back thinking why ¬†did I not want to pray and spend time with God.

When I looked back on how I was feeling, I had been pretty upset the last couple weeks. My situation with my car was still going on ( for those that aren’t familiar, my car was stolen, then found, and has been in the shop for a month). My rental car period was up but my car wasn’t ready yet. I ended up paying more out of pocket ¬†for my car repairs than I originally thought which was annoying. My weight loss journey hasn’t been going well. My eating has been out of control so of course I’m losing no weight, My daughter hasn’t been feeling 100% so that was taking some energy out of me. Then my son as been getting into trouble at school, so Im having to deal with that. And as most of you know, Im in a grad school program that requires a ton of work! Then to top it off, (being honest) Valentines day is this weekend and I don’t have a Valentine. That’s a bummer!

I just feel like the devil is really attacking me. Attacking my heart, my mind, my peace, my finances, and I feel stressed out.

But as I sit back and think about these things, I realized this is exactly the devils plan. Its like, big things that happen, we instantly will pray about it but when those small little things happen, we think its no big deal and we can handle it. We take these things in our own ability and not put it in the Lords hands. So as the devil throws stumbling blocks in my way he’s¬†trying to get me off my game!¬†¬†The biggest question is, will I allow him to do it?? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!stock-photo-no-way-negative-response-absolutely-not-vintage-wooden-letterpress-printing-blocks-stained-by-70124890

IM PRESSING MY WAY THROUGH THIS THING! I have to! Failure is not an option. Im reminded of 1 Peter 2:19 that says “For one is regarded favorably (is approved, acceptable, and thankworthy) if, as in the sight of God, he endures the pain of unjust suffering.”

There are some situations that are beyond my control, and there are some situations that I have put myself in. I can’t ¬†do anything about the things I can’t control, but I can TRUST in the word of God that because it is unjust, I am regarded as favorable in the eyes of the Lord.

Every now and again, I go through this funk. I feel down, I get discouraged, I stop praying. But my Pastor has been preaching a series on It’s time for change. and I feel in my spirit, its time for a change for me! I don’t know about you, but Im tired of the devil beating me up!!!! Im tired of letting the devil get me all flustered and discouraged! Its time for change!

time-for-change

Not praying and spending time with God is the way the enemy comes in with his thoughts, ideas, and suggestions.

11954322131712176739question_mark_naught101_02.svg.hi       Have you ever noticed, when something bad happens, often times you start thinking of other bad things that have happened? By the end of the thought, your mind has taken you up and down the past few years of your life with everything bad that ever happened to you. THATS HIS TRICK!

He’s doing everything he can to take your focus off God. The purpose in this thing we call life is to keep our eyes on The Lord.

Heres the hard part BUT¬†¬†I DONT FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING!! I would Lazy-Bumreally like to just take a lazy day, a 6 hour nap, get a massage, get pampered and eat whatever I want, and still lose the weight. LOL (Andrea’s fantasy world)

But seriously, I really don’t feel like praying or reading my word some days, but I realize I HAVE TO PUSH! Push past those feelings ad emotions. If I don’t, Im allowing the enemy to come in. Its like inviting him in to have a seat. AND thats not an option!

This scripture has been in my spiritClean-HeartIn other words, Im asking the Lord to take out all the anger, and anything else thats not like Him and a renew His spirit, His way, and His attributes in me.

I¬†think about 2 Corinthians 10:5 says “…¬†we refute arguments¬†and¬†theories¬†and¬†reasonings and every proud¬†andlofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought¬†and¬†purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ ..”

In other words, get out your feelings and make your thoughts and emotions obey the word of God. PUSH! Push past how you FEEL.

Isaiah 54:17 says “But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This [peace, righteousness, security,¬†triumph¬†over¬†opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord..”

I LOVE how the Amplified bible says PEACE, RIGHTEOUSNESS, SECURITY, AND TRIUMPH OVER OPPOSITION, is in my heritage!

There are way to many things God has promised me in His word for me to sit up and call myself “mad” at God. He’s done too much for me to not PUSH past how I feel. I may not feel it right now, but I know, God is working behind the scenes on my behalf. ¬†Romans 8:28 “We¬†are¬†assured¬†and¬†know that…¬†all things work together¬†and¬†are [fittinginto¬†a¬†plan] for good to¬†and¬†for those who love God…”

So, it may not feel like it right now, But I know that ALL this will work for my good. even as I type this blog post, I feel the Holy Spirit chipping away the anger and frustrations from my heart. Do not waste time being “mad” at God. Stay in His word and keep reminding yourself of the peace, righteousness, and security over opposition that is a part of your heritage.

I want leave you with some a faith confession by my Pastor Leslie Declue.

Be Blessed! Im praying for you!

Andrea F.