Dear God, Save Me!

Hey y’all!!!

I wanted to come on here and share what God has placed in my heart. God is doing wonderful things in my life concerning spiritual growth and maturity so of course I have to share with my favs!

I was talking to a good friend and she said something so simple but profound in my eyes. She said when we pray, we should ask the Holy Spirit to cause us to pray for the things we need to pray for. Now, I want you to pause and think on the concept. Now, say it again slowly. We should ask the Holy Spirit to cause us to pray for the things we need to pray on.

Got it?? Ok, moving on.

So over the last couple weeks Ive been asking the Holy Spirit that question. While I was in church worshipping I kept hearing in my spirit, “Save Me!”. I wasn’t really sure what it meant but I kept hearing it. I asked God, save me from what? Immediately I heard in my spirit “Save me from myself.”  Say what?! When I finally released the words I literally felt a weight lifted off me and I began to praise God so strong.

We are our own worst critics. We can be so hard on ourselves. We talk negatively to and about ourselves, we talk down to ourselves. We often times focus on our areas of improvements and assess them as weaknesses vs strengths under construction.

We critize ourselves in everything we say and do.  The way we look, always feeling as if this or that is to big or to small.  We often times see ourselves through a lens only we can see through using filters we only  use for ourselves.

Dear God, please save me from myself!! Save me from my thoughts, my criticisms, my thoughts of my failures, all the things I wish I were. SAVE ME FROM MYSELF! I had to ask God to help me see myself through His eyes. Help me grace myself the same way He graces me using the same grace He gives me to grace others around me. (Whew! now say that 5x, lol)

As Christians we understand God is love and our lives should be an example of Christ’s love living within us. We put emphasis on loving others, serving others, and being kind towards others. In the midst it all, can I please tell you, YOU MUST DO THE SAME FOR YOU!  Love YOU, be kind to YOU, speak kind words to YOU. There are things we say about ourselves we would never let roll off our tongue concerning another person. If we wouldn’t criticize someone else in that way why would we do it to ourselves?

We spend so much time tormenting ourselves with all the things wrong with us, the things we need to change, what we need to do better, etc.. the list just goes on and on. I don’t know about you but I don’t need anyone beating me up about things. I do a pretty good job on my own! Today is the day we STOP!

But how?? How do we stop? How do we change? 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us “[Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ…”

We must catch our thoughts and make them obey Gods word. I want you to imagine yourself catching the little thought bubble over your head, grabbing it, and throwing it away. Now visualize your mind floating with scriptures and praises to God. God loves us so much. He loves us way to much to allow us to wallow in negative thoughts.

If someone you knew were going through something or needed prayer , we would be quick to offer an encouraging word and be able to pray concerning the needs of the person and have the right words to speak over their life. We have to be able to do the same for ourselves. Here’s why.

When we think negatively of ourselves  we aren’t fully able to fulfill the call of God on our lives. We tend to not feel good enough, not worthy enough, all because of previous negative thoughts we’ve fed yourself.  Let me offer you this:  ^“I am convinced andconfident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus …” Phillipians 1:6.

Whatever your strengths under construction are GOD is faithful to complete it. Not you or anyone else can complete it. GOD is faithful to complete it. Why?? Because He said so!

“So will My word be which goes out of My mouth; It will not return to Me void (useless, without result), Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11 

You can take that to the bank! God said it. Therefore the work Gods needs to do in you, He’s got you! You don’t have to worry, stress, or beat yourself up about anything anymore. All you have to do is keep walking in faith.

Disclaimer: I understand there is a difference between criticizing yourself and being honest with yourself. However, the same rules still apply. Ask God for help and He will help you!

I want to leave you with the words of Paul as he bid farewell to the Corinthian Church.

“Finally, brethren, farewell (rejoice)! Be strengthened (perfected, completed, made what you ought to be); be encouraged and consoled and comforted; be of the same [agreeable] mind one with another; live in peace, and [then] the God of love [Who is the Source of affection, goodwill, love, and benevolence toward men] and the Author and Promoter of peace will be with you.” 2 Corinthians 13:11

So chill, give yourself a break, Gods got you in the palm of His hand and He’ll never let you go. 💕

I love y’all and Im always praying for you,

Andrea F,

Spirit of Shut Up!

Hey y'all!!!

I had to get on here and "spill the tea" as people say. On who? ME!!! Yes, Me! I'm a mess y'all. lol Well, I can be a mess at times. As many of you all know I like to encourage single moms and encourage them to develop healthy coparent relationships with their kids dad. But just because I talk about it doesn't mean I am perfect and get it right 100% of the time. What Im about to tell you is a time where I completely got it wrong.

My kids dad and I were talking about a coparenting issue. He was making some totally ridiculous statements about coparenting that I knew were utterly incorrect. However as he was saying it you could tell that he was just having a horrible morning and more than likely what he was saying was not even accurate in his eyes, but he was upset so he was just rambling a bit. Now, as he was talking, I began to say, well, that's not right and that sounds crazy, and started to break down the situation from a different perspective. He completely blew me off and started yelling at me and told me I couldn't comment on the situation and I didn't know the full story behind what he was speaking on and etc, etc.  Well, I kept at it I said well I don't have to know the full story to tell you that you sound crazy right now! Needless to say this became a whole argument where he ended up hanging up on me. I was PISSED! Now, I've told you him and I have come to a place where we have mutual respect for each other so I was livid he would revert back to his old ways and hang up on me like a kid in high school.  You think I let it go??? NO! I called back a couple of times. No answer. Then I texted him and tried explaining myself in a very nice nasty way. SMH… Then, I told him I felt like we were just having simple conversation and if we couldn't have a simple conversation about this articular issue then he shouldn't talk to me about it at all. WOW!!!!!

 

WOW! Y'all I am so ashamed at myself. Really I am. I was so wrong. So so wrong. Let me explain. First off, when he called he sounded like he was already having a bad day.  The Lord showed me a powerful lesson in this scenario. EVERYTHING doesn't need a response! Sometimes your kids dad may just need to vent about the kids or dad issues and that's ok. Sometimes you may need to just let him say what he's going to say about the situation and just listen. In this case the situation didn't really effect me personally. He was just expressing an opinion on something. You don't have to necessarily agree with his point of view. Just listen. Let me tell you, I'm not that great at it when it comes to my kids dad. See, the kids live with me. Im with them more often. Nobody knows them like I do. Nobody sees them through the lens I see them in. He doesn't know their thoughts, feelings, quirks, or anything else better than me so what could HE possibly tell me about MY kids????

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! They are his kids to, he knows them. He may not know them the way you do, but he knows them. I don't believe parents will every see their kids in the exact same manner even if it's a two parent household.  Theres a difference in a moms relationship with the child and the dads relationship with the child. There are things the kids share with mom they may not share with dad and vice versa. So, give dad some credit. He knows the kids to. And if you are dealing with an absentee parent, then believe by faith and pray for dad to truly know you all's child. So yes, this message can still apply to you as well.

Where I was wrong is I didn't allow the Spirit of Shut Up to come up on me. ha! seriously, I should have just listened and just said a quick prayer. What is the spirit of shut up? It's that moment when you want to pop off at the mouth and tell him about his self or speak your mind, but you know that's not what God is telling you to do and it wont help your situation. That's when you have to get you some Spirit of Shut Up!

Wait Andrea, I thought you said we need to set boundaries with dad?? So why is he talking to me about something that doesn't directly affect me anyway??? Well, you have to remember there will be times you all are going to converse and when a situation comes up you have to be able to discern when its the right time to have that conversation. That is where your relationship with God comes in. I told you guys a few blogs back that its important to pray about your coparenting relationship. Ask God to show you how to navigate it, what to say, how to say it, and to help you discern the appropriate times to have  productive conversations. I didn't do it in this scenario and look where it got me. I was mad and aggravated and so was he.

Some of you may be saying, well why do I have to be that considerate of him. He aint my husband! Well look at like this. It's really good practice for marriage. I'm not married but I talk to many women that are and all of them have told me about times where they had to  allow the Spirit of Shut Up to fall on them. LOL  Everything just isn't worth an argument. Every time something comes up it just isn't always the best time to address it. You have to start looking at some of your difficulties as opportunities and lessons you will one day need. The Spirit of Shut Up can be applied to many situations you may go through in life.

God tells us in 2 Chronicles 20:17 "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you." See, there are battles (arguments) we just don't have to fight. People look at those scriptures and often times apply them to giants they're facing but it may not be a giant. Your battle may be that small irritating thing in your life such as dealing with someone who hurt you, upset you, or just can't seem to agree with. Let God fight the battle for you. You just sit back and discern when its time to have that conversation. Even then there may never be a right time. Some situations may need to sit dead for God to work out only.

Be encouraged single moms in your coparenting relationships. Dad is someone you should always have some sort of relationship with and an open line of communication with. You won't  handle every situation correctly but I believe God honors your sacrifice in trying. He will honor your sacrifice in trying to make thing better and more civil for your kids.

So the next time you guys are talking and you feel the conversation going in a way you can see become an argument just remember to ask the Lord to allow the Spirit of Shut up to be on you. and remember its practice for your one day spouse. Just be grateful for the preparation. 🙂

Love ya'll

Always praying for ya.

Andrea F.

 

B-A-B-Y M-A-M-A This goes out to all my Baby Mama’s!

Hey y'all!!!

Let me start off by saying baby Mama/Daddy is a term that me and my kids dad do NOT use. It feels like a derogatory term and we just choose not to say it. The title is from a song Fantasia sang many years ago as homage to Single Moms.

Today I really want to talk to my fellow single moms. If you read my previous blog about setting standards and trusting God for your mate, this is some what a continuation of that blog.

Many of us are trusting God to send our one day spouse but not only must we have a Godly standard but we should be asking ourselves are we emotionally ready to receive him? How can we expect God to bring someone new in our lives when our heart, mind, and emotions are all wrapped up with someone else? The passenger seat is full. There's no room for anyone else. Can I be the first to say, It's time to cut those emotional ties with your kids dad.  Don't believe the lies when people say, fathers can always come back to the mother of their kids. NOPE! It doesn't have to be that way if you don't allow it. Sometimes you have to just break the ties and move on. Is it easy? ABSOLUTELY NOT! You guys created the most important person in your lives, together. And in many ways you will be connected to your kids dad forever but you don't have to stay emotionally and physically connected.

 

There was a time when me and my kids dad did everything together. I was the one saying I wanted a commitment from him and he didn't feel the same. When I started on my healing journey I knew I was having a hard time getting over him. He was ALWAYS around. He would come over and help with the kids and give them baths and we would have dinner together. We would have family outings together, we would be lovey dovey. He would even refer to us as a "we" in terms of just about everything, even things not concerning the children. After while I realized it was to much! How can you get over someone when you're always around them?? You can't.

I dealt with it for about 10 years; that emotional back and forth. I thought I had to. I thought thats just the way it is. And when someone questioned it I would alway say, we have kids together of course we will be around each other. But I got to a point where I was so sad and hurt over our situation and I started asking God to heal my heart and truly help me get over him. I had asked God to do it before but this particular time I truly meant it. I believe God truly heard my prayers.

God started showing me things. God showed me how my kids dad was saying and doing certain things to keep me emotionally connected to him. Like how if he felt me pulling away, he would do and say things to emotionally reel me back in. God showed me how their dad was at my house to much, He showed me I needed to distance myself from their dad and their other side of the family. God just started opening my eye to things and slowly I started making changes as God led me to. I remember one of the first things, I had a conversation with my kids dad about him being at my house so much, I asked him to scale it back. At first he was ok with it and he honored my wishes. but after a few weeks it got old and he started with his old habits again. Popping up wanting to see the kids, asking what I cooked for dinner so he could have dinner with us, etc… Thats where things got hard. I had to remind him of our convo. It became hard because I wanted him to be there. I wanted him to come over and for us to be a family. But I realized it wasn't  healthy for us to keep going in the same cycle. Listen, just because you have kids with someone doesn't mean you have to allow them total access into your life. ITS OK TO SET BOUNDARIES. It's ok to set certain days for him to see the kids or come and pick up the kids. Its not about being mean to dad or preventing him from seeing the kids, it's about setting some boundaries to guard your heart.

During these times I really had to pray and ask God to help me. I cried a lot during those times because everything  I was familiar with was being pulled from under me. I felt lonely. Im not super close with my family so I felt very alone. Plus the physical help he was giving me with our kids on a daily basis was gone so I was feeling stressed and tired a lot of days. But as I kept praying and asking God to heal me, I kept hearing in my spirit, "trust me through the process."

Even though we weren't seeing each other as much we were still talking all the time. the Lord told me to cut it off. Of course it was hard, but I really wanted to be healed. There were days I questioned God, like why did it take all of this??? His response to me was, How bad do you want it? How bad do you really want to be healed from a broken heart. When the Lord started putting that in my spirit I made up in my mind I would walk by faith and not by sight. This was a very difficult season. Many of you all know my mom died many years ago, I had ended relationships with close friends and I wasn't close with family. I have never felt so alone in my life. I felt like no one understood what I was going through and dealing with. After all, their dad wasn't a bad guy. He treated me well, he was a good dad and he really had a genuine love for us. But he wanted to emotionally use me. He wanted to spend time with me, tell me he loved me, kiss, cuddle, and have sex without committing to any type of relationship. Please don't think Im placing the blame totally on him because I allowed this for many years. In the back of my mind I always thought one day He would choose me. Crazy, right???!!!

 

There came a time where we had to stop talking altogether. If it wasnt about the kids  I stopped conversing with him. If the conversation drifted another way I would just stop talking until it got awkward and we both would just get off the phone. Again, another hard thing for me because he would be mad and upset with me and constantly asking whats wrong. but there was nothing wrong. We just needed boundaries and the emotional ties we had to each other needed to be cut. The Lord just kept pressing, how bad do you want it? How bad do you want to be healed?

Listen, once a relationship is over. It needs to really be over. And that includes the kids other family. Yes, I said it! Cut ties with the other family. You personally staying connected to them is not helping you get over him. I used to spend all my holidays, bdays, and any other celebration with their dads family. Along my process the Lord started telling me, don't go over there. Another thing that was extremely hard for me. His family was my family. They were there for me all those years ago when my mom died and I loved them and enjoyed being with them. But again, that voice. How bad do you want to be healed? So I listened. I spent years going to his families house even though he would bring other women at times. I would be so hurt and so sad, but I toughed  it out thinking this is how it had to be because we weren't in a relationship. All the while, many times after we would leave we would end up with each other. And because of my own insecurities and thinking I was in love, I allowed it.

I remember when the Lord told me to delete their their dad and his family from social media. I was like why Jesus?? lol I was scared of what they would say. After all, we all had a good relationship. But God told me you don't need to be on social media seeing everytime he's hanging out, and pics of him and his girlfriend, or angry when you see he's hanging out but you had a rough time with the kids, or he told you he had something to do but it was hanging with his friends. You need to heal. You need to guard your heart. So I listened. I just kept hearing in my spirit, how bad do you want it?

I am here to tell you, you DO NOT have to allow a coparent to pull you in emotional and you CAN have a successful coparenting relationship. Where we are now took years to develop. I wasn't super strong everyday during that process. There were days I was chasing him and days he was chasing me. But I knew it wasn't healthy for me and I knew I wanted God to heal my broken heart. So I kept praying, kept listening to God and kept asking him for the strength to follow His instructions.

Although their dad and I are in a really good place as coparents, let me let you in on a secret. sssshhhhh… There are still moments we struggle at times setting certain boundaries and not being to close. But God always reels me back in and reminds me how far Ive come and how FREE I feel now! I don't want to go backwards.

When I started this blog I wanted to talk about coparenting because you don't see much about it. There's not a lot of info out there on how to navigate a coparenting relationship and what its supposed to look like.  Those years I spent in emotional turmoil with my kid dad turned out to be such a blessing. I heard a minister once say "Out of our greatest struggles, come out biggest testimony."

I am here to tell the next single mom God can heal your broken heart. You can be healed from that relationship even though you still have to see and be around him. God can and will lead and guide you and you can have a successful coparenting relationship. He did it for me, He will do it for you!

Love y'all! Always praying your ya!

Andrea F.

Hope vs. Faith

 

Hey y’all!!!!!

Whats up??!!! Hows everything going? I missed y’all so much. I missed blogging. The Lord has really been pressing me to be consistent in blogging. Let me tell y’all, blogging is a bit scary. Why?? Because most of the time I went through some rough stuff and that’s what gave me the blog topics. I remember when the Lord first placed it on my heart to start blogging again, I was terrified. I kept telling God “Please just give the topics, but don’t take me through the trials.”  Haha! Well  lets just say that ones of those prayers from my flesh and not my heart!

I first needed to examine my heart and find out why I stopped blogging to begin with. I thing the biggest reason I stopped because I got comfortable. I got complacent. I got content in my situation and current circumstances.  Although there’s nothing wrong with being any of those in certain seasons of life, it can be detrimental to your spirit if not handled properly.

I was content with my life, my kids, my friends, my new church, my weight loss journey and what I started to find is I was so happy and content in those things, that I lost sight of God for a moment. See, its easy to cling to God when things are going wrong but how do you act when things are going right for you?

I was so content in that season I looked up one day and realized somewhere along the way, I stopped dreaming. I stopped believing that God was working in MY life. Its like, I could see God moving in other people’s lives. I had faith that God was real and moving and blessing others. But I stopped dreaming for myself. I stopped hoping  He would fulfill my hearts desires and hoping He had greater for me.

Did you know that Faith and Hope is two different things?  (Yea, I had no idea until I experienced this.)

Faith in the biblical sense is described in Hebrew 11:1 (NIV) “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see”. The KJV bible says “Faith is the substance of thing hoped for and the evidence of things we do not see.” Amplified bible says (paraphrased) faith is the assurance, the title-deed.  In other words faith is believing and having confidence, being sure of things we can not see in the natural.

Now, I did some research on Hope and I couldn’t find it in a biblical definition. However the Merriam Webster dictionary defines hope as “To cherish or desire with anticipation, to expect with confidence, to desire with expectation of attainment.”

The difference between the two is Faith is believing in what you CAN NOT see, and Hope is a desire and expectancy of things you don’t see in your life yet. I believed God but I wasn’t desiring or expecting anything to happen in MY life. In a sense I was walking dead spiritually. I wasn’t sad or depressed or anything. I was just living life going through the motions. Getting up for work, taking the kids to school, cooking dinner, working out, sleeping, and then doing it all over again the next day. Weekends consisted of hanging out with my friends and church, and as the week started over I would repeat the pattern.

The problem with complacency is it doesn’t allow us to dream. It doesn’t allow us to work towards something bigger and better. It places our focus on self and current circumstances and doesn’t allow us to look towards the future. It doesn’t allow for us to grow, develop, and renew our minds to the things of God, His way, and His plans for our lives.

WHAT ARE YOU BELIEVING GOD TO DO IN YOU LIFE? WHAT IS THE CALL OF GOD ON YOUR LIFE? and The real question is WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO DEVELOP IN PURSUING THAT CALLING?

I don’t know about y’all, but Im believing God for some BIG things in my life, but I got to the point where I got discouraged because I wasn’t SEEING what I was BELIEVING God for so I stopped EXPECTING (lost HOPE) “it” would happen. Your “it” can be anything you are desiring.  I stopping hoping my teen son would start making better choices, I stopped hoping for my one day husband, I stopped hoping I would lose weight, I stopped hoping God would help me grow closer to the Holy Spirit, and the list goes on. See, the issues is I got frustrated on what I wasn’t seeing, I stopped hoping so I could stop the frustration I was feeling. CRAZY, right??? It wasn’t intentional, it was totally sub-conscience. See, the  bible tells us “… But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait eagerly for it with patience and composure.” We have to learn to WAIT on the Lord!

 

Maybe your issue isn’t you lost hope. Maybe you have rushed ahead of God and are trying to make “it” happen for yourself.  STOP!!!!  Please just stop. The word of God says “And let endurance have its perfect result and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfect and completely developed [in your faith], lacking in nothing.” James 1: 4 In some versions of the bible the word endurance above is “patience”.

 

We have to allow God to do the work and we must be patient! “…but [with joy] let us exult in our sufferings and rejoice in our hardships, knowing that hardship (distress, pressure, trouble) produces patient endurance; ⁴ and endurance, proven character (spiritual maturity); and proven character, hope and confident assurance [of eternal salvation]. ⁵ Such hope [in God’s promises] never disappoints us…” Romans 5: 3-4.  So you mean to tell me Patience is what helps us develop the character and spiritual maturity to develop hope in the Lord??!!! Say what???? and then it even says HOPE in the Lord will NEVER disappoint us. If I have FAITH in Gods word then I’ve got to develop in PATIENCE, to develop HOPE in the Lord! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ok, so now what? What am I supposed to do while I’m developing patience and waiting? Remember that calling I asked you about earlier?  We all have a calling on our lives. This is the time you learn how to develop in that calling. Love God, Trust God, Praise God, Renew your mind to the things of God, Delight yourself in the Lord. Get busy doing the Lords work! Enjoy your life, your friends, and family. The thing is, you will find yourself busy with reading His word, developing your prayer life, developing in your home life, and serving where He leads, you won’t have time to get frustrated! You won’t have time to focus on the have NOT. You will be so busy thanking Him and enjoying what you DO have!

 

 

If you have ever been in a situation like me please, please, start dreaming again! Don’t walk around spiritually dead. DREAM AGAIN, HOPE AGAIN! If what you are believing is according to His will, HE WILL DO IT! HOPE again for that business venture to come to pass, that new job, restoration in your home, your marriage, your one day spouse. HOPE AGAIN! DONT GIVE UP!  You just have to be patient. It’s His timing and His season.

 

I hope y’all enjoyed this blog post! I love y’all and I’m always praying for you.

Andrea F.

andrea.fortson@yahoo.com

Do The Work!

Hey Yall!!!! I’m back! Whew! Its been a long, long time since I blogged. But the Lord has really been putting on my spirit to start the blogging again. So, I’m going to be like Nike and JUST DO IT!

Lately the Lord has placed several women in my life who I have inadvertently ended up ministering to. I don’t really seek out people to tell my story to but somehow the Lord always has me sharing with someone the spiritual nuggets he has given me over years. As I listen to these women my hearts breaks because most of their stories are very familiar to me. Our situations may not be the same but the emotions and feelings are very similar and I can feel and relive that pain through our conversations.

Of course I will not get into anyones personal stories, but I will share with you that many of them are going over the same mountain over and over and over again. We talk, I share what the Lord has me to share and then…. many times, nothing happens or changes. Why? Because they didn’t do their work!

I remember being in this cycle for many, many years. I wanted to be free from the hurt, pain, bitterness, anger, and frustration I was feeling but I kept doing the very thing that brought me all the frustration and pain.

What are you struggling with? What do you need God to heal you from?

I like to watch Iyanla Vanzant, Fix My Life. Its a show about emotional healing. During the credits she talks about how she made it big, but lost everything and went through a lot of emotional turmoil. But shes ends credits by saying  “but I did my work”! In other words, she did the hard stuff to help herself reach a higher level of emotional healing. I JUST LOVE THAT!!! It’s such a simple concept but its something many of us don’t do. We do not do our work! The work we need to do on ourselves to get us to that level of emotional healing.

What mountains are you climbing over and over again? What is the Lord telling you to do? Have you prayed about it? If so, did you listen and ACT on what God has told you to do?

Whatever God is telling you to do I encourage you to DO IT!!! No questions asked. Walk by faith and trust God knows what He is doing and He’s telling you for a purpose. You may not see it or understand it now. But God knows.

I recently started going to a new church and I came at just the right time. The pastor is preaching a series on Spiritual Maturity is a choice. Wow!

When I heard that it was eye-opening for me. You always hear trials and hardship come to make you stronger. I’ve always thought that was where spiritual maturity come from. But no, spiritual maturity is ultimately a conscious choice we have to make. It’s just one of those things where we have to DO THE WORK!

I’ll give you a couple examples, one of the things I struggle with is discipline and self-control. Specifically in the areas of food, working out, and time management. Like, for real y’all, the struggle is REAL! lol I’ve been on a weight loss journey for a few years now, I started off great the first year or so. Lost 50 lbs, got off diabetes meds, and was looking and feeling great. Somewhere along the way, I got way to comfortable and slipped back into my old eating habits. Before I knew it I was up 20 lbs!!!! Yikes! I had bought all new smaller clothes, but those smaller clothes no longer fit me. I was soooooo sad y’all.  😦  I was sitting there thinking, what is going to help me stop and get myself back on track? I started praying about it. Lord, help me to get myself in control of my eating habits. And guess what? He started helping me. He started putting that tug in my spirit, “don’t eat that, put that down, that serving was enough.” But guess what else?  I DIDNT LISTEN! I kept on eating all the wrong stuff and ignored His leading. AAAANNNDDDDDD, guess what else y’all.. I kept praying! (Crazy, right?, hey don’t judge me lol) I kept praying about it asking the Lord to keep helping me. Finally one day the Holy Spirit told me, “look, you’re asking for help, I’m giving you help, but you aren’t listening. This isn’t some magic formula, the Lord isn’t just going to crack the sky and smack the donuts, pizza, chips, from your mouth. All He can do is lead you but you MUST listen!” Dang Jesus, did you really have to check me so hard, like I felt totally convicted. 😦  But that’s when I realized. I had to DO THE WORK! No one could do this for me. I simply had to put the donuts down, not order the pizza, and make the tough choices even when all my feelings and emotions were screaming otherwise. And let’s be clear, those feelings and emotions are so hard to ignore sometimes.

Galations 5: 13 says: “For you, brethren, were [indeed] called to freedom; only [do not let your] freedom be an incentive to your flesh…”  

1 Corinthians 10:23  “All things are legitimate [permissible–and we are free to do anything we please], but not all things are helpful (expedient, profitable, and wholesome). All things are legitimate, but not all things are constructive [to character] andedifying [to spiritual life].”

In other words we are free to make any choices we want to make in this life but it doesn’t mean those choices are good for us. We must choose wisely. We have to make those hard decisions and listen to the leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit above our flesh. In other words we must DO THE WORK! It’s a choice. Sometimes its a hard choice. But nevertheless its a choice we must make daily to listen to God. Trust God. Have faith In God. God doesn’t make us bow down and worship Him. He wants us to CHOOSE Him. Deuternomony 30:30 “I call heaven and earth to witness this day against you that I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore CHOOSE life, that you and your descendants may live.” (My emphasis on choose)

We must DO THE WORK! I’ve realized that this whole concept actually boils down to one attribute, and that’s SELF CONTROL. Good ol’ fashion self-control. #Sigh You mean to tell me Jesus just won’t sprinkle a little self control on me?! haha! Nope, it doesn’t work like that. Self control is one of the fruits of the spirit listed in Galations 5. I started asking God, how do I develop in self control? He gave me this. Galations 5:16 “But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God).” So, from there, I’m like ok Jesus, I have to seek the Holy Spirit and be led and guided by Him. But most of all, I have to listen. 

Y’all, know this blog is for everyone but as a woman, my heart is for women to be whole, complete, and content in Gods loves. So let me give you a different type of example on practicing self control.

Like when that complicated relationship/ex creeps back up calling and telling you they miss you. Do you respond?  OR do you block the number and trust God obviously protected you from that relationship. Remember, Gods “no” is for our protection. If that guy/girl was the one for you. Yall would still be together. Lets be real, most of us are still entertaining that ex. They keep calling and texting because they are getting a response. This minister I follow says, what you feed will grow and what you cut off will die! That’s where some self control has to come in y’all! God is not going to smack that phone out your hand for you. But he will tell you, this isn’t good for you. Lets be honest, getting those messages might feel good, it might make you feel loved, or  wanted, or fill a void you might have. But in the end, ask yourself is it good for me to get wrapped back up into something that God has already freed me from????? Remember, you have a choice, you have freedom, but will you DO THE WORK? Will you allow that situation to die? Stop feeding your situation! Let me repeat that, Stop feeding your situation. Whatever “It” is. Many of us are carrying around a lot of emotional baggage. We are praying to God asking him to heal our hearts and help us but we keep entertaining the very thing we need healing from!

I have no idea what some of you guys are facing, but I can tell you that whatever it is, it’s real. Its big and It’s personal to YOU. You may be facing sexual temptation, food, an ex, time management, etc… whatever it is, if you are asking the Lord to help you, know that he is there. He is helping you. That quiet still voice, that feeling you have to go right when all your emotions are telling you to go left, That’s God. It’s the leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit. Listen to Him. DO THE WORK!

I want to leave you with a scripture I have been saying a lot lately. “Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people),” Ephesians 5:15

You can do this! You’ve got this! DO THE WORK!   I’m praying for you guys.

Love y’all,

Andrea F.

 

 

SINGLE PARENTHOOD AND COPARENTING GODS WAY

I wanted to shift gears and talk to you guys about a little something different. Its something that is very near and dear to my heart and I don’t see a lot of blogs, or books about it. I want to talk to you guys about single parenting and co parenting.

Most of you guys know I am the mother of 2 beautiful children. My children are 14 and 3 (soon to be 4). They are 10 years apart and they are by the same man. No, we were never married. He was my childhood sweet heart and I thought I was in love.

Although we aren’t dating each other we now have two children that we have to raise. Being a single mom is really hard. But I am grateful that I do have help. He’s a really good dad. Financially, physically, and emotionally, he is there for our children. However, being a single mom and co parenting can still be really rough!

Some days I find myself upset or angry just at the situation itself. Just for me simply being a single mom. Its not what I wanted out of my life but I often have to remind myself that it was a choice that I made to sleep with someone that I wasn’t married to. The bible tells us that sex is for marriage only. Although we are free to make our own choices, we are not free from the consequences of that choice. Therefore, when Im frustrated, I have to remind myself that I made a choice.

My kids dad and I get along very well for the most part and it wasn’t always that way but co parenting is still extremely hard! I once wrote a Facebook post about how I felt like co parenting was a lot like a marriage. Theres a lot of compromising involved.

There is a misconception about compromising though. People seem to think that it means 50-50. That couldn’t be farther from the truth! Compromising at times means you don’t get what you want at all! Here’s the thing to remember, when you are in a coparenting relationship its not about what YOU want anyway!! Its about whats best for the children involved. There so many times that I go along with things that I don’t necessarily agree with and he does as well.  If it isn’t going to hurt my children mentally, physically, or emotionally, there are things I just have to let go. You pray about it and move on.

One of the best things you can do for your children is to get along with the other parent. Not just tolerate them, but truly get along. You may be dealing with a parent that isn’t contributing like they should. They come around when they want to, send money whenever for the child and phone calls are few and far between. That doesn’t mean you can’t get along with the parent.  Im not saying its easy. But it is definitely possible, Understand that it is the best interest for your children if you get along well. Getting along means that when you all are in each others presence you are still able to smile and make small talk. It means your body language is open and inviting.

I watched a documentary called Fatherless Sons. It was talking about how men in particular don’t know how to navigate through the hurt and the anger that many women hold on to. So even if they aren’t  the best dad in the world, they have a hard time coming around because they know they aren’t doing what they should be doing for the child, but they don’t know how to handle the hurt and the anger , the snark comments, the rude body language that the mother gives off. Listen, Im not saying you don’t have a right to be upset if the opposite parent isn’t doing their part. But what I am saying is that ITS NOT ABOUT YOU! You have to let go of how you feel and understand that child just wants to be able to see and/or talk to their parent even if it is only once in a while.

You may be dealing with a parent that has much different views than you. That is where I encourage you to pray about each situation and ask the Lord to lead and guide you on what to do. The bible says in Proverb 3:6 “In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” In other words tell the Lord you need His help and he will lead and guide you on what to do.

Instead of nagging and complaining about what their dad doesn’t do, I’ve learned to pray about it. Not asking God to change their dad but asking God to show me how to handle the situation. Most of the time God changes me, my mindset or my attitude and while Im being changed, somehow their dad heart is changed  and things somehow end up running smoothly. On the flip side there are times when I walk away frustrated but always knowing this will work out for my good. Romans 8:28

My biggest issue was letting go of the past hurt, anger, and resentment and things that were done to me. He broke my heart, and when I would get upset about something concerning the children, all of that would come back up and I lashed out horribly. It made it very hard to coparent. (I know Im not the only that has dealt with this and I still struggle with it from time to time.)

I remember a while back after one argument with my kids dad, I was so upset all I could do was pray. I started praying asking God to change their dad and help him to see how he was wrong, and the Lord told me You need to change. I was like what???? I’m a single mom, I have these kids full time, why do I need to change. But the Lord showed me I was handling our parenting disagreements from a place of hurt and anger and not from a place of peace and love. I had to learn to let go of all that to effectively co parent. The Lord truly changed me that day. If you are struggling in this area I encourage you to give that hurt and pain to God. Let Him heal your broken heart. Its a process, and it takes time. Although, I still struggle with it from time to time, I always remind myself that its not just about me, but its about my children and whats best for them. I don’t want them to see their parents arguing, fussing and fighting all the time. I want to always create a peaceful atmosphere for them. I want them to feel whole and complete and never torn between their parents.

Another issue I had was throwing it in his face how little he has the kids vs how much I have the kids. I always feel like I have them more than him. For example, My children are with their dad one day a week and every other weekend. Although it may not seem like a lot. Im grateful because some parents done get that. Let me let you  in on a secret. The parent that the children live with is typically the parent that will have the kids the most. Its just the way it is. You can’t focus on the quantity of time spent because it won’t be equal. I enjoy being a mom and I enjoy having them full time. I’ve learned to focus on that fact.

I used to always feel like  if we were married, I wouldn’t be so tired, or I would have more help, or this or that. But when I hear other married women talk, many times they have the same issues as me! As a mom and/or wife you are the keeper of the home. Titus 2: 4-5 says  “…train the young women to be [a]sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children, To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands…”  If you aren’t married, I look at the husband part of the scripture as your home. I have to submit myself to what my home needs. I can’t run and go and do all this stuff and leave my home unkept. Also, please stop and take a moment to read Proverbs 31: 13-31. It talks about the role of a wife and mom.

Disclaimer- Please understand that I am NOT saying that a father does not have responsibilities for the children. What I am saying is that many of the responsibilities you have as a single mom are responsibilities you would have even if you were married. I can’t speak on a fathers role because Im not a father. But what I can tell you is even if he isn’t doing his part for the kids it doesn’t mean you aren’t going to do your part for the kids.

Being a single parent is not how I imagined my life would be. I had the same picture in my head that every other little girl has. I wanted the husband, 2.5 kids, big house with the white picket fence. LOL  But I made a choice, and because of my choice my life is a bit different than what I imagined. But guess what? THATS OK!!! Single parenthood did not stop Gods purpose for my life! And for that, I am so very grateful.

Thats what I love about serving God is that even when we stray, He is still right there holding us. Just waiting for us to come back to Him. Ever since I  truly gave my life to God my coparenting relationship is a lot easier, that doesn’t mean that things run smoothly all the time. It doesn’t mean I don’t get upset or have to compromise.

When I say that it is easy it means that now, I know that whatever happens, God has my back. I pray for my children daily, and I pray for their dad as well. I pray for his well being because if He is well, I know my children benefit too. Our road wasn’t always easy but with maturity and prayer I believe we are raising children that know both of their  parents love them dearly even though we aren’t all in the same household.

Even if you don’t have a good relationship with the opposite parent, still lift them up in prayer daily.

You might be saying, well Andrea, my kids opposite parent is a deadbeat. They don’t call or come around. My advice to you would still be to always speak life to your children regarding the other parent and still keep them lifted in prayer. Seek God on what to say to your children and allow the Lord to guide you.

I really hope this helps someone. It was on my heart to talk about single parenthood. Its not always easy, but you can and will get through it. You can have joy and peace through the process.

Blessing to you all! Praying for you always

Andrea F.

The Safest Place in the Whole Wide World…

Hey y’all!

Sorry I haven’t been on here in a few weeks. Things have been  kind of crazy and busy for me. As most of you guys know I started this blog for a communications class for my grad program.Although each post is for a grade for my class, I really try to pray and seek God on what it is He wants me to say. But being completely honest. I haven’t been praying as much and haven’t been spending much time in my word lately.  Life has just been so busy. School, work, weight loss journey, and kids. It has been down right crazy.

I saw this picture on Facebook and it really made me think about some things.

 I love this quote! Im not sure who said it. It didn’t have an author on it. But when I saw the picture it made me say to myself. OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH I GET IT NOW!

Everything that we go through is preparing us for something we asked the Lord for.  Yea, it’s kind of hard to see things that way but I really believe this statement is so true. My mind of course started thinking about all the bad stuff has happened to me. I realized again how true this statement really is!

I think about when my home was broken into. It taught me how to be content with much and content with little. When my car was stolen, it taught me how to be thankful. Thankful that my son wasn’t in the car when they stole it. When I lost my job it taught me how to be content. I hated that job and I really didn’t want to be there.  I even thought about sad moments where my heart felt broken and crushed. I think of  how it taught me what I truly wanted out of life. I truly learned my worth and what I deserved and now I’m confident, bold and unashamed to say what I want, feel, and deserve.

I think I’ve mentioned this scripture before but the Lord keeps giving it to me as I write this post so I’m going to give it to you again.

1 Peter 2:19 For one is regarded favorably (is approved, acceptable, and thankworthy) if, as in the sight of God, he endures the pain of unjust suffering.

There are somethings we are going through that are just unfair! We complain about it,, get angry about, get content, and then repeat the cycle all over again. We pray and ask God to remove the situation without even understanding what we are supposed to learn from it.

I used to work for a company where my boss made a difference with me in my race. I was the only black person in the department and she would always say little things to me about my race, area I lived, how I talked, and sounded. Although it she felt it was all in fun, it wasn’t funny to me. I grew to really dislike the job and it showed in my work. She would be extremely nice to me in my face, but then tell upper management that I wasn’t doing my job properly. She really started to pick at me. Needless to say, I started hating the job. I dreaded going to work everyday.

Months later I lost my job. Right after I bought a house. I had not even made my first mortgage payment. I was a bit relieved but then again, I was a bit afraid too. I had no other income. Through that situation the Lord begin to show me contentment. I kept thinking, I shouldn’t have complained about the job so much. I should have been more grateful and asked the Lord to help me while I was there instead of removing me.

Thats the thing I find we tend to do the most. Instead of staying and asking the Lord what are we to learn from a situation, we run instead. we run away from it. The problem with running is that we will continue to go through that situation time and time again until we learn the lesson the Lord wants us to learn. Remember the above scripture. You are regarded as favorable when we endure unjust treatment. When we stay and handle things God way He has a way of developing us through the situation. Theres a blessing on the other side of it if you can stay and endure Gods way.

I know its not easy. Think about it like this. Would you rather be in Gods perfect will, or His permissive will? I looked up the definition to permissive will and there are a bunch out there, but in short Permissive Is what God permits to happen many times because we ask. There is still a purpose and plan behind it but its the hard way through the test. His perfect will is His thoughts and plans for our lives unfolding.

For example. You hate your job. You complain, complain, complain about your job. You cry out to God and ask you Him to help you get another job. He tells you over and over its not time, but you keep praying about a new job. He says ok and gives you the new job. (thats permissive will) But guess what? the new job is worse than the last. one!  So you are miserable all over again. Get it?  His perfect will was for you to stay at the first job and let your line shine so bright that you bring people closer to Him. Or He may have wanted to develop you in patience or in love, or witnessing to others. That is His perfect will.

The safest and best place to always be is in His perfect will. There’s a purpose and a plan for all we deal with. With God on your side you are the VICTOR! You serve a God that has a flawless record. And even when we mess up, He’s right there with His loving arms to catch us.

I don’t know about you but I want to be in His perfect will for my life. I know His perfect will is not always easy but I know it will always be worth it.  🙂

I’m continually praying for you all.

Andrea F.

DONT GIVE UP!

Hey y’all!!

When you read the above picture that should have made you shout for joy right there. If it didn’t, read it again, read it over and over again. Read it slowly and meditate on where the Lord has brought you from.

Did you read it again? Ok, you should at least be smiling from ear to ear now! God has brought you a long long way! He didn’t leave you. and the fact that you are still here, should be proof that God LOVES you!

When I read that post, it really started me thinking about my past. Not in a  bad way, but just remembering how the Lord kept me. When I think about it, I get happy and excited, and my heart is filled with gratefulness!

Some of us are battling some SERIOUS, SERIOUS stuff, illnesses, death of loved ones, depression, and so much more.

But I want to tell you. DONT GIVE UP ON GOD BECAUSE HE WONT GIVE UP ON YOU.

We sung that song at church on Sunday  (He’s Able, by Deitrick Haddon) and it really resonated with me. The song says “don’t give up on God cause he won’t give up on you, He’s Able”. We pray, we get excited, and we have hope, that God is going to do what we are believing in Him for, and then after a couple of months we don’t see it. So we get discouraged and give up. We stop praying, we stop studying our word. We start speaking defeat and start complaining. BUT, don’t give up on God! He didn’t give up on you!

How long did it take you to surrender your life to Him? How many times have you prayed and gave up? How many times have you went back to your old way of thinking and living? Several times right? ( I know  have) but He never gave up on you. Even though He didn’t SEE his plans unfolding for me due to my disobedience, He never gave up on me. He kept loving me, blessing me, and welcomed me with open arms when I truly gave my life to Him. So don’t give u on God!

You have to stay in faith that God is working your situation out. You have to see yourself the way God sees you. He sees you VICTORIOUS! You have to think it, believe it, and meditate on it. You have to take possession of a victorious lifestyle.

I don’t know what some of you are going through, but God is the answer to whatever you are facing. God can turn a situation around in the blink of any eye, If you just trust him.

Philippians 4:19 says And my God will liberally supply ([i]fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Psalms 91: 7-8 says A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not come near you Only a spectator shall you be [yourself inaccessible in the secret place of the Most High] as you witness the reward of the wicked.

St. John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the worldyou have tribulation and trials and distress andfrustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcomethe world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

Luke 12:32 says Do not be seized with alarm and struck with fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give youthe kingdom!

Don’t you see that God loves you?! You just have to stay in faith. BUT HOW?? I know, you are saying, “How do I stay in faith, How do I keep going? That’s a lot easier said than done, You just don’t know what I’m going through.”

You are right. I have now idea what some of you guys are facing BUT, I know I serve a God that is bigger and stronger than ANYTHING you are going through. You stay in faith by staying in the word of God. Every time that situation comes up, you speak the word of it. Don’t dwell on the problem, you dwell on the word of God.

I heard  a minister once say, this is not about  positive thinking. This is about WORD thinking. Its believing Gods word over your situation.  It’s about not complaining about it, but trusting in what God said. When you know a situation has been worked out, you don’t have a reason to complain because it’s over and done with. You KNOW it’s worked out. Well that’s the same with whatever you are facing. You know God is on you side.

I follow a minister, Heather Lindsey on Facebook and IG and she always says, whatever you give attention to will grow. So the more you plant seeds of complaining, the more that seed will grow. It will get bigger and bigger and you will tell more and more people. How do you feel when you are complaining? Not good! But what if you gave attention to the word of God? How much better do you think you would feel if you planted seeds of the word of God? Your faith would increase, your peace would increase, joy would increase. Give attention to the scriptures and let it grow in you.

I am a big complainer and I have to check myself on it often. I have to remind myself to focus on the word of God. I’m also grateful for friends that remind me too.

1 John 4:4 says Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world.

God is so great on the inside of you! YOU have no reason to fear. There is a gospel song that says, Don’t wait until the battle is over, you can shout now. You can be excited right now, because you know you are a winner with God on your side. You KNOW you are VICTORIOUS!

Most of you guys know, I’m on a weight loss journey. I recently started working with a personal trainer. She has me doing some exercises where I feel like my muscles are just about to give out! lol but when it gets really hard, and I feel like I can’t go anymore, she always reminds me “you’ve got this, you can do it.” It gives me that extra umph I  need to keep going. One day she told me, “tell your body to shut up, and keep going.”

That really resonated with me, because that’s the same thing we have to tell out emotions. We have to tell them SHUT UP!!! You will not control me! I KNOW, THAT I KNOW, THAT I KNOW, what the word of God says about my situation and I’m going to trust in that word and walk VICTORIOUSLY right now! I’m not going to wait until the battle is over, I’m going to be at peace and be happy, right now!

My own Pastor has been preaching a series “Its Time for Change” and I believe in my heart, Its time for us to stop giving up. I wrote a post like this before in the past, but sometimes, I need a reminder to just have faith in God. Its time to stop trying to do things the worlds way and do things Gods way. Its time for us to stop making excuses as to why we are always depressed, mad, or sad, and its time for us to start thinking about the above statement. Here it is again:

You have made it so far. You are still here to tell your story, to give a testimony. No, Life is not perfect, no, you might not have everything you want, but you are still ALIVE.

Don’t give up on God. He won’t give up on you. Believe Him, Trust His word. Some of us are so close to receiving our blessing but we quit just short of receiving.  You have survived. You are still here. You CAN make it!

I’m praying for you all!

Andrea F.

 

The Basics

Hey Guys,

I just wanted to come on here and remind you about Gods love for you. We listen to messages and preachers telling us all theses things we should and shouldn’t do. We listen to all the messages about having faith.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with it all. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with thinking about everything I should and shouldn’t be doing and saying.

Please don’t misunderstand me. Those messages are very important. As we grow up from baby christians to adults we have to grow up in the things of God too.

But today I want to remind you of the basics. John 3:16 For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten ([a]unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.

God loves you so much! He has you in the palm of His hand. There is nothing that you are going through that He can not handle.

I don’t have much immediate family. Both of my parents and both sets of grandparents are all deceased. I often feel very alone. One day I had a talk with God about it and he told me. I love you, I think you’re to die for, and you are my number one priority.Wow!!! That blessed me so much y’all.

So I want to remind you of the basics. Just remember that God loves you. Don’t focus on all the wrong you may have done, or all the times you didn’t get it right. Focus on God and His love for you. Remember that you are His number one priority.

Don’t get so overwhelmed with all the do’s and dont’s. When you continue to love God the Holy Spirit will give you a check in your spirit when something isn’t right.

All you have to do is remember God loves YOU!

Praying for you all,

Andrea F.

It Ain’t Over!

Hey guys!

So today I want to share my friends testimony with you. This has been a rough year for her. But what I love about her testimony is that she never gave up on God. Even in the rough times she held on. I loved her video giving praise to God for what He has done  for her this year. I don’t know about you, but I can FEEL her praise through this video. Please watch it and share it with someone.

What I hope you take away from it, is to sit back and think about what the Lord has brought you from. Understand there is purpose for everything that you went through. It was to develop you and make you stronger. Take a few minutes and think about some of the challenges you faced this year. But guess what, YOU MADE IT and you are still here!

Understand that what God does for others He can do the same for you. I  pray this video blesses you as much as it blessed me!

Be blessed. I’m always praying for you!

Andrea F.

Please view: Testimony